The Glory in the Shattering: Embracing Conflict for Growth
A reflection inspired by Dan Allender PhD’s work on story, suffering, and redemption
Conflict is uncomfortable. It stirs up emotions we’d rather avoid—anger, shame, fear, loneliness. Our instinct is to withdraw, to smooth things over, to pretend we’re fine. But what if conflict isn’t something to escape, but something to embrace?
In our group counseling course, we’ve been working through Dan Allender, PhD’s powerful reflections in To Be Told on how our stories—especially the painful parts—shape who we are. One line from his book continues to echo in my heart:
““In the midst of affliction, we become either our truest self or our most false self.””
This is a radical reframe. It suggests that conflict and crisis are not just obstacles—they’re invitations. Invitations to become more honest, more whole, more aligned with who God created us to be.
The Stories We Avoid
Allender points out that we rarely celebrate the endings that matter most. We don’t throw parties for the moment we stopped believing a lie about ourselves. We don’t honor the courage it took to face a crisis and choose growth over shame. But those moments are sacred.
“We will only love our story to the degree that we see the glory that seeps through our most significant shattering.”
This quote invites us to look again at our past—not with fear or regret, but with reverence. The places where we were broken are often the places where God’s glory shines brightest.
📖 Scripture and the Redemptive Lens
The Bible doesn’t shy away from conflict. It’s full of stories where suffering leads to transformation:
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” — Romans 5:3–4
“Consider it pure joy… whenever you face trials… because the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” — James 1:2–3
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
God doesn’t waste pain. He uses it to refine us, to reveal us, to restore us.
🧠 Questions to Ponder
As you reflect on your own story, consider these questions:
What part of your story have you been avoiding? Is there a moment of pain, shame, or conflict that you’ve tried to forget—but that might hold the key to deeper healing?
When have you felt unnamed or lost? What did that season reveal about your identity, your relationships, or your view of God?
Can you see glory in your shattering? Has there been a moment where you saw God’s presence in the midst of crisis? What did it teach you?
What false beliefs have you shed? Are there lies you used to believe about yourself that you’ve now rejected? How did that transformation begin?
How might you celebrate your growth? What would it look like to honor the endings that led to new beginnings?
Conflict is not the end—it’s the beginning of transformation. Let’s lean in, listen deeply, and honor the stories that shaped us.
Grab the Devotional Below!
Continue working through your story and see how Trinity moves through the uncomfortable.
Discover how conflict shapes identity and invites redemption. Inspired by Dan Allender PhD, with biblical wisdom and reflection questions.
